Rewrite for Marketing Effect

Not all writing is original. Sometimes a marketing writer is asked to do a rewrite in order to amplify the effect of an original body of text. In the following example, I was asked to make improvements to an email that was about to go out to prospective donors from a recently hired agent at a non-profit organization.

My solution, as you will see, was to send a message that is personal, setting up a relationship that is designed to be an exchange of information, not just a request for money.

[DATE]

Dear XXX,

Greetings!  I’m a member of the development team at XXX,.  My work includes outreach and communication with our [DONORS] and friends.  If you are receiving this email, that means you are in my communication circle.

In March, XXX President XXX  launched our 2019 XXX Campaign featuring  projects that will support the unprecedented growth in the XXX areas.   You can access more information on each project here: XXX  

Generous donors to the three projects listed below have pledged to match contributions one-for-one:  for every dollar you donate, the project gets $2 in support until the project is fully funded.

  • XXX
  • XXX
  • XXX

To support one or more Capital Campaign projects online go to XXX 

I plan to send an occasional informal email with bullet points highlighting current news.  Occasionally when XXX has a special campaign, I or one of my associates may call.  In the next few weeks I plan to email you a questionnaire soliciting your ideas to grow XXX even faster.

Thank you for your support, past, present, and future.

P.S.  If you have any questions on the XXX  Campaign projects or any other aspect of XXX development, please get in touch – I welcome your feedback.

Regards,

XXX

[DATE}

Dear XXX and XXX:

Greetings!  I’ve recently come on board as a Development Officer  at XXX. As part of my intake process I have been asked to identify people that I know in the XXX extended community that I would like to work with in terms of discussing expansionary possibilities for XXX.

I’ve asked to work with you.

What that means is that I hope to provide you with insider news on what’s happening on campus, what we hope to do moving forward, and also to get your input on how we can maintain and grow XXX for future generations.

In terms of planning, for example, XXX President XXX recently  launched our XXX campaign,  featuring XXX projects which we believe will support unprecedented growth in XXX.

Several  donors have already pledged to match contributions one-for-one for the three projects listed below, i.e. – for every dollar donated, the project gets $2 in support, until the project is fully funded.

  • XXX
  • XXX
  • XXX

If you don’t need to do a lot of reading about the XXX projects, but happen to want to support some right away, click here.

One  thing – I ’d like to thank you for all of your kind support of XXX  in the past, both in terms of financial gifts but also due to your attention on [THE FOUNDER]’S  wishes for the success of XXX

Moving forward, I will be sending you an occasional email with bullet points highlighting current XXX or Development department news.  When our department has a special campaign, I may get in touch with you to clarify what we’re working on.

In a week or so, I will also be emailing you a questionnaire soliciting your ideas to grow XXX even faster.

On a personal note, I  like to meet with you for lunch on campus or off, as my guest, to discuss our plans and your thinking for the future of XXX.

Hope to see you soon

All the best,

XXX

P.S.  If you have any questions on the projects I mentioned above, or any other aspect of the XXX Development Department such as Legacy Gifts, the Annual Lift, etc. please get in touch – I welcome your feedback.